Displaying items by tag: parenting information

As the owner of Swift Nature Camp for over 25 year we have seen many changes in why parents send thier children to Overnight Summer Camp. Prior to cell phones and tablets parents were excited that children would be able to live with other kids in a fun and supportive way, while being out in nature away from city life. While the parents often got to travel or participate in other fun things for themselves. But around 2008 or so, parents begun to look at summer camps as a way to get children off their electronic devices. Parents often tell us that it is the "removal of cell phones that makes SNC Special". They especially enjoy that a technology break encourages children to be more  active and not as sedentary plus they will make face to face connections. These skills are important for children to learn at a young age so they do not get addicted to technology like the rest of us. No doubt technology is a very important part of our lives these days but we as parents need to harness that power to make it an advantage rather than a demon.

Here are a few ideas that will help us.

1-Use a Video Tutorial for a Family Activity- This day and age we all use "how to videos" to do projects. I have repaired a car with my son after watching a video together. You could use the same to bake a cake or make a pizza as a family activity? This will make the activity more fun and you will be teaching your children you don't know everything and how to use your resources. .

2-Become a Director- Some evening when the family is all together rather than everyone going to their own devise shoot a movie together.  Together come up with a skit or idea where kids could play their favorite characters and the older kids together even parents should get involved. Years from today the family will look back at these  videos and it will bring a smile to their everyones face. Be sure not to get to crazy on perfection have fun with it and let the mistakes enter in, it will only be more fun in the future.

3-Change your communication- Texts are impersonal and often unclear to children. I much prefer the app MarcoPolo as a way to communicate. It provides  Face to face interactions is very important, especially for your growing kids. It can affect the level of their confidence and the way they interact with other people rather than the abbreviated language of texts. Remember, seeing you and hearing your voice builds a stronger connection than a instant message regardless how sweet you make it.

4-Family Organizer Apps- Cozi Family Organizer has a wide range of really useful functions that you could use a family, such as managing family tasks lists, sending reminders of important family schedules and personal events and even make games out of chores. Why is this important Today children want to know in advance and do not like surprises, so it helps with anxiety. It also helps them become responsible for daily routines and one thing we have learned at Swift Nature Camp, kids do best with structure and routines.

Finally, I believe a wonderful thing all  parents need to do is role model how to be independent of their device. Set a day or even a time each day,  that everyone will put down their tablets and be together as family. Because after all, that is one of the main reason parents send their children to overnight camp - to put down their device be less dependent on technology and more dependent on relationships.

My “Happy Place” is often the response campers give when we ask them to describe their time at Swift Nature Camp. As the Director, part of my job is to stand back and observe.  What I see from Campers & Staff is smiles, I hear laughter and notice a relaxed atmosphere all of which facilitate camp joy.

We all want happy kids. Meet Dr Martin Seligman who is a new breed of psychologists called Positive Psychologists. They ask not what is wrong with people, but what is right. They research what makes us do well in life and the reasons why some people thrive and find success and happiness in life.

We first have to agree that happiness is internal that can be shown externally or not. So instead of using a one-dimensional definition that’s dependent on momentary emotions and personality traits, Dr. Seligman has developed a more thorough theory of well-being that moves beyond the standard happiness traits.

PERMA  is what Dr. Seligman uses to define his theory and the five measurable elements he has determined lead to well-being. Camp is filled with these PERMA Pillars and maybe thats why SNC is a “Happy Place”.
P: Positive Emotion-Is feeling happy, having positive thoughts about yourself, the people around you, or your surroundings. When someone reports they are feeling content, relaxed, or happy, then they are experiencing positive emotions. At camp, positive emotions are the norm, not the exception. We’re singing; we’re dancing; we’re doing skits that don’t make sense but that cause us to laugh so hard our stomachs hurt. Whether we’re telling jokes and stories around the campfire or just entertaining ourselves talking and hanging out together, positive emotion is literally swirling around camp. You can almost see a haze of happiness and fun surrounding everyone at camp.

E: Engagement-is being  interested in and connected to what they are doing. When you’re engaged in your hobby, book or school, you’re fired up about learning something new and energized by the activity. Camp constantly exposes kids to new experiences and challenges – both recreational and social – that get them interested and excited to learn. They’re pushed to get outside their comfort zone to really engage and succeed. 

R: Relationships-As  Dr. Seligman says“other people are the best antidote to the downs of life and the single most reliable up.” Our life’s relationships – with our parents, our siblings, our friends, our spouses, and our co-workers – are key to our happiness. At camp we see old friends, make new friends, and just spend quality time building connecting with others.  Camp is an oasis that is competition and stress free, built on positive relationship building, often giving campers tools they can take and use at home.

M: Meaning- Comes from “belonging to and serving something you believe is bigger than the self.” A team, religion, family. Cabin life helps kids gain an understanding of how valued they are. Swift shows campers what it means to be a valued and be an accepted member of a community. No camper is invisible, daily  they connect with others, camp promotes integration. Kids learn that they are an important and valued member of their cabin group, and they discover their character strengths through recognition from peers and counselors. Campers learn the power they have by positively impacting others with friendship, gratitude & kindness.



A: Achievement-People flourish when pursuing goals not just mastering a skill. So, while having a great achievement is wonderful, much of flourishing comes from the striving towards the achievement. Ralph Waldo Emerson understood this by explaining, “Life is a journey, not a destination.” Daily at SNC, kids have the opportunity to try new things and master new skills. Simply practicing and working towards improving or challenge themselves to try something new adds to campers self confidence and their flourishing at camp.

We hope that whether your child has been at camp for 1 year or many, you see the positive impact Swift Nature Camp has had on your child. We all want happy kids. PERMA is just one way we can better prepare children for adult life and how we deal with difficult situations when they occur. PERMA is just another skill that SNC provides to its campers and one we hope you can use in your home.

Parents today are all asking the same question: What will it take for my child to succeed in todays world?

Despite all the technology we live in, I was suprised to see that Americans still realize the need for the soft skills. The skills that are not taught in school. Sure, we need to stay competitiive with  science and math skills as the world becomes smaller and more competitive. Yet, we all see the need for the  less tangible skills in our kids, such as teamwork, logic and basic communication skills.

The Pew Research Center recently asked a sample of adults to select among a list of 10 skills: “Regardless of whether or not you think these skills are good to have, which ones do you think are most important for children to get ahead in the world today?”

The answer was clear. Across the board, more respondents said communication skills were most important, followed by reading, math, teamwork, writing and logic. Science fell somewhere in the middle, with more than half of Americans saying it was important.

So how does Summer Camp fit in to all this? We teach soft skills. We help children figure out what works and what dosent when dealing with peers. Teamwork prevades all of camp life. Children become independent and figure things out for themselves. Camp is so much more than just fun, games and songs outside. it is one of the best training grounds to ensure future success. Michael Eisner of Disney,  said it best,"But oh, the lessons I learned on those camp canoe trips. We could never survive the first day if we did not practice teamwork, show initiative, handle adversity, listen well and not least importantly, maintain a sence of humor:" 

As parents we always want to try raise the best kids and often I wonder cano I raise a child that is successful and caring? The research seems to show they parents need to start by looking  at the mixed messages we send. 

If you were asked to rank in order of importance academic achievement, happiness, and care for others as priorities for our young people today, how would you respond?

If you’re like most parents and teachers in the U.S., you would place the highest importance on care for others—a very worthy choice and one that science suggests can actually increase the other two outcomes. 

 

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Yet, a recent U.S. survey of 10,000 middle and high school students conducted by Harvard’s Making Caring Common Project revealed that students believe their parents and teachers prioritize academic achievement and happiness over caring. 

In other words, students are receiving the message from adults that personal success is more important than concern for others. With that being the case, it becomes easier to understand why cheating is rampant among students.

This is a wake-up call for us adults. Even though we may view ourselves as very caring people, and think we’re promoting this value to our young ones, somewhere there’s a disconnect that we need to remedy—and the not-so-easy answer lies within ourselves.

The complexity of care

If getting adults to “walk the talk” of care was as easy as reminding them that they need to do so, then our problem would be solved. But care is very complex, impacted by things such as cultural beliefs and attachment security, and making it a priority in our and our children’s lives sometimes requires us to deeply introspect on how care manifests or not in daily life. 

For example, in a game called “Compassion Continuum” designed by compassion-expert Brooke Dodson-Lavelle, adult participants are asked how much compassion they would feel for their child who gave a speech in school and failed. Most people respond that they would feel a lot of compassion. Then they are asked how much compassion they would feel for another child who had given a speech and failed, but who had also bullied the participant’s own child. As you can imagine, the responses are all over the board—a perfect example of how caring for others is not always black and white and perhaps one reason why our youth, who are equipped with hyper-sensitive radar for hypocrisy, are getting mixed messages from adults.

Ultimately, our view of care is wrapped up in who we are—it’s part of our identity. And, according to Harvard professor and adult development expert Robert Kegan, changing part of one’s identity requires transformation at our deepest core. While the process is neither fast nor easy, it can yield great rewards.

Changing our view of care

After decades of research and practice in adult learning, Kegan posits that in order to truly change, we have to become aware of our unconscious emotions, habits, and beliefs that run our lives so that we can instead reflect on these internal constructs and change them if necessary. 

But this unearthing process can elicit anxiety. For example, many parents and teachers know something has to change with the staggering pressure our students are under to succeed academically, particularly as this pressure is leading to an increase in mental illness. 

Need more ideas on how to cultivate caring children?

Click here for a downloadable, reader-friendly list of research-based suggestions from Harvard's Making Caring Common Project.

However, the thought of having to change our beliefs about success fills many of us with anxiety because it would require us to consider our own identity around success. A parent who is concerned about the academic pressure on his or her child may be forced to examine the belief that getting into a top university will lead to a materially successful life. Upon deeper self-examination, the parent may be surprised to find that this belief is supported by other beliefs such as a materially successful life is the only way a child will be secure and happy in this world. And if a child is not secure and happy, then the parent has potentially failed in his or her parental responsibility. 

The depth of this kind of reflection may be too threatening for many of us. Thus, we unconsciously manage this anxiety by continuing on with status quo. And, hence, our children might get the message that success is more important to us than care.

So how do we start aligning our priority of care with our actions? The process that Kegan and co-author Lisa Lahey outline in their book Immunity to Change is a multi-step approach, the explanation of which would require more room than I have in this blog. However, I can offer these few suggestions based on their work:

1. Start by reflecting on the care you give and receive in your life—or lack thereof—in order to bring to conscious awareness how much care impacts you. Examine how you care for yourself and how you and your loved ones—including your pets—care for each other. Then expand this view to include the care between you and a stranger on the street, the grocery clerk, and/or a difficult work colleague. Now broaden your view of care to examine care at a societal level, from business practices to childcare options to equity to gender roles to political systems.

Did you find yourself getting emotional at any point in this reflection? For example, did a situation that lacks care make you feel angry or scared or sad? If so, why? Kegan and Lahey state that underlying every challenging situation or behavior is an “emotional ecology” that we must explore in order to understand where our potential limitations lie, and their book outlines a very specific and in-depth process to do so. Only when these limitations that have been driving our actions without us realizing it are brought to conscious awareness can we start to change them.

And once you’ve identified these limiting behaviors, Kegan suggests that instead of trying to defend them, admit them with all “their embarrassing glory”. I would also recommend practicing self-compassion, realizing, as self-compassion expert Kristin Neff posits, that you’re not alone. All of humanity struggles with challenging internal constructs. 

2. Ask yourself if there is enough at stake to warrant a change. According to Kegan and Lahey, the process of transformation at this depth can be very challenging, so we have to be sure that we’re willing to try. They have found that people are motivated to change for several reasons, including: if they don’t change, something or someone they love will be harmed; not reaching a goal has become impossible to live with; or there is “deep discrepancy” within themselves.

For instance, a teacher or parent who learns that at the root of a child’s anxiety and panic is the child’s belief that he or she is loved and accepted only when academically successful may be motivated to make some radical changes in his or her own behavior and beliefs.

3. Test out new ways of being. Once you have identified a core limitation, then Kegan and Lahey recommend trying another mode of behavior that acts against this limitation. For example, if you responded with anger to a bullying situation similar to the one described above—anger that was perhaps motivated by your own experience of being bullied—you might try acting compassionately towards the bully and see what happens. If you notice a positive change, then keep doing it.

The reward for all this inner work, according to Kegan and Lahey, is a release from the anxiety caused by the denial of our unconscious emotions, beliefs, and habits. “You [will be able to] scan the world,” write the authors, “for more promising possibilities and bring to your own living a deep restfulness that you may never before have known.” 

By examining and shifting our beliefs and practices of care, we may find that our relationships with ourselves, our loved ones, our colleagues, strangers on the street, and perhaps the rest of the world are transformed into something we could never have imagined—and we may become more successful and happier as a result.

Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, “True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a begger; it comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring.” And I would add that part of that restructuring includes ourselves.